It seems like only yesterday that I was growing up at home, playing, smiling, and basking in the love and adoration of my family and friends. I was always laughing, joking, and enjoying every detail of life. It seems there were no bad days back then.
Sometimes I recall and dwell upon the ignorant happiness that youth dictated.
I wish that I had seized my childhood memories more carefully instead of letting them flee from my mind like a thief in the night. Suddenly, I realize and am awaken to the fact that I am seventeen years old, alone and lonely. Sometimes I am overcome and fear the coming of tomorrow. “Is this all there is?” I quietly ask myself.
I ask myself why this lifestyle has befallen me. Am I not a good person? Have I wronged someone? Have I maybe hurt someone and this is my punishment? Never in all my life have I felt like this. The harder I try to answer my questions, the more further away the answer seems to run and hide from me, like children playing catch me if you can, or hide and go seek. This lifestyle is not of my liking or my choosing.
In the not too distant past, my life was that of a perfect picture, a flawless work of art. Being defeated and broken by this test of life is not an option I consider or give place to. There is a reason we as human beings face different trials in our lives. Quite possibly there is a master plan for all of us. We all face situations, circumstances, and events in our lives that are not to our liking, choosing, or understanding. In my situation, I am not to question why…. I am but to do or die. No, I didn’t coin that phrase. No applause please. I heard that phrase somewhere. It speaks volumes to be such a short order of words.
There are many people I have found from all walks of life that share my circumstances; both men, women, young, and old alike. I do find some solace and comfort in knowing that I am not alone or indifferent in my struggle. Others do share the same burden. Maybe they are right. Maybe I did get my hopes up too high. Maybe I was in over my head. Maybe I am the stupid one for ever thinking that you loved me, but maybe, just maybe, I am tired of being Alone. I just need somebody to loved and someone to talked :(
Even I had Allah SWT , family and friends. I just need one to talk. So that i can express my feeling.